Breaking Free from Fawning: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self Through Somatic Awareness

By Kim Higgins

In relationships and workplaces, many people find themselves saying “yes” when they really mean “no.” They avoid conflict, mold themselves to fit others’ expectations, and struggle to voice their true needs. This is known as fawning, a survival response deeply rooted in the nervous system.

Fawning often develops when early experiences teach us that being agreeable ensures safety, whether from a parent, caregiver, or larger social system. Unlike fight, flight, or freeze, fawning is a people-pleasing survival mechanism that prioritizes keeping the peace over honoring one’s truth. Over time, it can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a loss of authentic self-expression.

Through somatic coaching, individuals can develop an embodied awareness of their patterns, learn to regulate their nervous system, and cultivate the safety needed to express their truth without fear.

Understanding Fawning as a Somatic Response

Fawning is not simply a behavior; it is a deeply ingrained nervous system reaction. When we feel unsafe, the body searches for the best strategy to ensure survival. For some, this means fighting back. For others, it means avoiding or shutting down. For those who fawn, the body chooses appeasement, saying in effect, “If I make them happy, I’ll be safe.”

This response is particularly common in people who:

• Grew up with emotionally unpredictable caregivers and learned to monitor others’ moods to prevent conflict
• Experienced social marginalization or oppression, becoming hyper-aware of how to navigate power dynamics
• Worked in high-pressure environments where maintaining harmony was prioritized over individual needs
• Lived with neglect or emotional abandonment, reinforcing the belief that love and safety must be earned through compliance

Although fawning may have once been an adaptive survival mechanism, as adults it often prevents deep, meaningful relationships and leaves individuals disconnected from their own needs.

The Role of the Nervous System in Fawning

The autonomic nervous system (ANS) plays a critical role in how we respond to stress. According to Polyvagal Theory, the ANS has three primary states:

• Ventral Vagal (Safe and Connected): A state of ease where individuals feel open, expressive, and attuned to themselves and others
• Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): A state of activation that fuels action through anger in fight or avoidance in flight
• Dorsal Vagal (Freeze and Shutdown): A protective state where the body shuts down, leading to disconnection or dissociation

Fawning often involves a blend of sympathetic and dorsal vagal responses. The mind becomes hyper-aware of others’ needs while the body disconnects from its own.

Healing from fawning requires nervous system regulation, boundary setting, and learning how to sit with discomfort rather than immediately appeasing it. This is where somatic practices are especially powerful.

Somatic Practices to Heal from Fawning

Somatic awareness helps individuals recognize when they are fawning, regulate their nervous system, and reconnect with their authentic self. Below are some embodied practices to support this transformation.

1. Grounding Through Sensory Awareness
   Fawning often pulls attention outward, with constant monitoring of others’ reactions. Grounding practices redirect awareness back into the body.
   • Press both feet firmly on the floor and notice the sensations of contact
   • Hold a textured object such as a smooth stone and focus on its weight and texture
   • Tune into one sensory experience at a time, such as the temperature of the air, the feeling of clothes against the skin, or the rhythm of your breath

2. Embodying Boundaries: The Somatic No
   Many who fawn struggle to say “no” without guilt. Practicing embodied boundary setting helps the nervous system build tolerance for asserting needs.
   • Stand or sit with a strong grounded posture and practice saying “no” out loud
   • Notice any physical sensations that arise, such as tightness, heat, or a racing heartbeat
   • If discomfort arises, breathe through it instead of overriding it. Over time, this teaches the body that setting boundaries is safe

3. Releasing Fawning Through Movement
   Because fawning is a physiological response, movement is an effective way to release stored tension and retrain the body’s response to stress.
   • Expansive Movements: Fawning often causes people to physically shrink, with hunched shoulders, crossed arms, or a tendency to make themselves smaller. Stretching the arms wide or taking up space helps counteract this contraction
   • Walking Meditation: Walking slowly and intentionally while focusing on breath reinforces a sense of grounded presence

4. The Power of Self-Compassion
   Many who fawn carry deep-seated beliefs of unworthiness, which makes self-compassion essential to healing.
   • Repeat an affirmation such as “It is safe for me to be seen and heard.”
   • Offer yourself the same kindness you would give a close friend

Embodying a New Narrative

Healing from fawning is not about rejecting the part of you that seeks harmony. It is about learning to value your needs as much as you value others’.

Through somatic awareness, nervous system regulation, and embodied self-expression, it is possible to shift from appeasement to authenticity. The journey is not about becoming less caring; it is about caring for yourself as deeply as you care for those around you.

If you have spent years putting others first, struggling to voice your needs, or feeling unsure of your own desires, know that healing is possible. With practice, you can step into a life where your voice, presence, and truth are honored not only by others but by yourself.

About Kim Higgins

Kim Higgins is a somatic coach who helps clients reconnect with their bodies through present moment awareness and gentle exploration of sensation. Her work focuses on building resilience, cultivating self trust, and supporting authentic living. Drawing on somatic practices, Kim guides clients in slowing down, noticing patterns, and creating space for new choices. She believes that nervous system education is a powerful pathway to greater balance and well being and is passionate about making these tools accessible to those seeking meaningful change. Kim’s approach is grounded, compassionate, and centered on empowering individuals to listen inward and honor their own process.

Meet Kim and learn more about Somatic Therapy